to: crush

Good morning !

i hope it's still morning by the time i finished this one ww

how are you?

it's been more than a week since the last time we had a proper chat www i'm perfectly having a hard time at this moment tbh. i wonder how many days you're going to shut me up. it feels like forever :(
i don't really understand, but i just can't stop expecting the reason why you remain silent to me sobsob
last time we had a chat it was about me made your idws account locked by the mod. im not saying that i blame my self for this, but since you didn't tell me the detail, i cant help but feeling uneasy. i hope we can solve this soon. this uneasiness feeling wont disappear although i try to forget it.
is it all because of that? because you wont forgive my careless? :( i don't think youre that kind of person who shut people up when they make mistake and already ask for your forgiving. but even though i keep saying that you're not that type of person,by the time goes by, the negative thoughts also keep penetrating into my stupid brain sobsob
or the other reason is, youre probably already get tired of me. i mean, you ever said that youre easy to feel bored. like what you've done to your exs when you needed your personal time.if it so, then i have nothing to worry. i just need to do my best until you talk to me again eheheheh. BUT APPARENTLY, i'm not your gf yet . that's why i still can't keep calm fuck you >:C since we're not in relationship, i dont think you have responsibility to talk to me even if you love me a lot >:"| and same thing goes to me also, damn it.

fyi anyway, i'm doing fine here. though i keep being negative, but i still can manage it. i eat a lot. i eat snacks too now. i do some exercises every morning, it's 10-15 sit up kkk, i bath 2 times in a day, i watch dramas, animes and sometimes i draw things.
you once know that i'm such a crybaby lol but now it's very hard to me to shed even just one drop of tears o____o i watched many tearjerk dramas but still not working wwww ;;A;;
and anyway, i keep training my self to draw guys, but i always end up drawing you t____________t please notice me >:"|

oh, i keep dreaming about you all night btw. with the kids as well. theyre growing up well. we did grocery shop, and playing games sometimes c: the very happy moment - in dream- was when i sent you off to work and then drove the kids to school. they were very loud lol and they asked me things about you. they love you a lot, so do i www but once again, it was just a dream yet feel so real that always makes me miss you much more in the morning. thats why i cant stop texting you a good morning thingy www sorry if you find this annoying >.<

people say that i must get rid of it soon because it will hurt me even more. you said that too back then. but how can i stop it? i mean, you re the one who asked me to stay in the first place. you gave good things in life, i've learned a lot from you. you always win my heart, how can i stop loving you? :|

crush, i always wish you a happy life and you can get it from me, like seriously. just trust me, i will bring you more happiness.
i hope you're doing fine like you always be. i hope you miss me. i hope our feelings are still mutual.

have a good day.
i love you